We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
