I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
