Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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