it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
