If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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