What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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