At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I will pee on everything he values.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
