At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
