Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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