He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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