Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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