She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
