where am i from again
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Randomize
