omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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