i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
