we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I could fuck to npr.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
