Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
