none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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