Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
