Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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