What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
