the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
