In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
