I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
