Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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