Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
