the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
