It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
