Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
