I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
