EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
