dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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