So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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