Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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