He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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