I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
