he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
