i permit you to call me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
