His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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