pop tarts are not kleenex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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