don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
