4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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