You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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