i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
