I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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