definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
