I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
