I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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