One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
