I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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