She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
