I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
